jokes i wrote tonight
Here are a few one-liners that I wrote at the bar and on the subway home tonight:
--Sandra Bullock's Oscar nomination for for her lead role in "The Blind Side" is causing quite a stir in Hollywood, being called, "the cinematic equivalent of the nouveau rich family somehow weaseling their way into membership at The Maidstone Club. "
--The winter Olympics are here and you know what that means-- white, preppy, 20-something men will be overheard in bars talking about skiing and, for a change, they won't be referring to cocaine.
--This year on Groundhog's Day, Punksatawnie Phil saw his shadow and you know what that means: 6 more weeks of "Jersey Shore"-- season 2, baby!
--John Mayer's latest single is called "Heartbreak Warfare" and listening to it is said to be almost as bad as actual warfare.
--On Sunday, citizens across the country discovered that the only thing worse than Taylor Swift's award acceptance speech being disrupted by Kanye West is when it ISN'T and we are forced to watch it four times.
--America has an obesity epidemic, while other nations across the globe face starvation problems of epic proportions. On Sunday, Americans witnessed the musical award show equivalent of this dichotomy is when 20-year-old Taylor Swift dropped one of her FOUR Grammy awards because she couldn't hold onto all of them at once.
--A new version of "We Are The World" was just recorded, to benefit the reconstruction efforts in Haiti. Again proving that tragedy response anthems will always sell, no matter how bad they sound or are produced and mixed. "Voices That Care," anyone??
--At the 2010 Golden Globes, many actors wore ribbons in tribute to the earthquake in Haiti, continuing the Hollywood tradition of saluting a recent, unrelated international issue and pretending that life is about more than winning and sticking it to your jerkwad peers.
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