Selena Coppock's Blog

McSweeney's!

Selena Coppock — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:20:00 GMT

They published my list today! Check it out here!

shows this week!

Selena Coppock — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 20:02:00 GMT

Catch me a bunch of times this week!

Monday / March 1 / 8:00pm free pizza / 8:30pm free show

Laughs at Luca Lounge (Ave B between 13^th and 14^th streets, NYC)

Fantastic and free standup & storytelling show

Tuesday / March 2 / Doing an open mic at the Treehouse in Greenwich Village

Is there anything more pathetic than listing a frickin’ open mic on your show schedule? NOPE!

Wednesday / March 3 / Telling jokes on a moving bus as part of the “Shot on This Spot”

Tour (7pm to 8:30pm)

THEN

9:00 pm / Meat Market Comedy Show at East Ville (4^th St between 2^nd and Bowery)

Bachelor Recap: The Women Tell All!

Selena Coppock — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:43:00 GMT

So I didn’t post a recap for last week’s episode (during which Gia was booted) to the website for whom I write recaps, www.OMGWTFTV.com. style=""> Stop looking at me that way—I was BUSY! I can hardly afford to heat this basement apartment and we don’t have a dishwasher, so I shower with the dirty plates & pots & pans—no wait, that’s a storyline from an episode of “Diff’rent Strokes” when Willis & Arnold talk about where they came from. Either way—I’VE BEEN BUSY! GET OFF MY ASS! [Shoves a French fry into face, Chris Farley as “Gap Girl”-style.]

Monday night was everybody’s favorite moment in Bachelor drama—the catfight that is “The Women Tell All” episode. Check out mine here.

love that hair!

Selena Coppock — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:16:00 GMT

Nigel Tufnel, lead gulitarist for Spinal Tap has been reincarnated in blonde as Evegeny Plushenko, the silver medalist from Russia:

puts down the lead guitar and picks up the skates to become...

catching a break!?

Selena Coppock — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:36:00 GMT

Having some great luck right now. I shouldn't say "luck" because it's not a fluke-- it's from hard work. I was called in for a meeting with a major talent agency and McSweeney's is going to publish a list I wrote. Nice to catch a break once in a while

fortuitous!

Selena Coppock — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 07:55:00 GMT

I'm just finishing up Chuck Klosterman's book "Fargo Rock City" and I stumbled upon a brilliant passage that I want to share. I found it the timing of my reading quite fortuitous, as I was perusing this chapter on the subway as I headed downtown for drinks with two old high school friends. Two of the few friends from my hometown who actually GET IT. A handful of others get it, but not many. If you've read this blog before, you know that.

Without further ado-- Chuck Klosterman describes his hatred for Ted Nugent's fans, and inadvertently describes MY hatred for the vast majority of the people who attended Weston High School with me. This passage is my H.S. in a nutshell, and the last few sentences are written as if spoken by me circa 1996 during my time served:

"My problem with Ted Nugent is that guys who aspire to be like him--or just ARE like him be default--make me feel ashamed for liking hard rock. They have no sense of humor, and they beat people up and they kill cats for no reason. They get totally fucked up on Budweiser anytime they're in public; if they smoke pot, they only do so when they're already drunk, so they never get mellow (it just makes them a little less predictable, which isn't necessarily good). Once you become friends with these people (and if you're from a small town, you will), you can never relax. If you get drunk with these guys and pass out, they will write on your face with a magic marker. They will literally piss all over you. They will steal your car and intentionally drive it into a ditch. Ex-cons always talk about how the rules of society don't apply inside the walls of a prison; I have to assume that the penitentiary experience is akin to partying with a bunch of Nugent disciples. If you're not consciously being an asshole to someone else, you will become a victim. And what can you do? Nothing. And why not? Because these are your goddamn friends."

new video!

Selena Coppock — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:24:00 GMT

Bachelor recaps!

Selena Coppock — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:12:00 GMT

Another brilliant bachelor recap (by yours truly) can be found here:

http://www.omgwtftv.com

And you can vote once a day right here-- no account creation or any of that jibba jabba:

http://www.like2laugh.com/comics/comedian.php?ent=Selena Coppock

Vote for me! Plus Shows!

Selena Coppock — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:39:00 GMT

Hey Friends!

I'm in a March Madness-style comedy competition and to advance further, I need some online votes. So please, if you have a moment, visit this website:

http://www.like2laugh.com/

then click on "Comedians" and scroll down to my mug & beautiful head of hair. You can watch my rad "Townie Martian II" video and click "VOTE" to help me advance in this contest. You don't need to give your email address or anything-- so you can continue to live off the grid, Unabomber-style! Thank you in advance for your time.

And Boston-- change of venue for Friday night-- Friday night I'll be at Nick's Comedy Stop at 8:30, Saturday night at the Comedy Studio at 8pm.

Love and kisses!

this breaks my heart

Selena Coppock — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:47:00 GMT

This article about high school bullying.

I was just reading a great interview with Diane Von Fursternberg, and she said something along the lines of-- I never understood the Peter Pan mythology. I always wanted to grow up and be independent.

That really struck me. I agree 100%. I can think of nothing more BORING and suffocating than childhood and adolescence. There's not enough money in the world that you could pay me to go back to that age or that town.

Bachelor Recaps by me!

Selena Coppock — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 20:23:00 GMT

I wrote recaps of The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love (barf) for this great site. Check it out:

www.omgwtftv.com

jokes i wrote tonight

Selena Coppock — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 04:56:00 GMT

Here are a few one-liners that I wrote at the bar and on the subway home tonight:

--Sandra Bullock's Oscar nomination for for her lead role in "The Blind Side" is causing quite a stir in Hollywood, being called, "the cinematic equivalent of the nouveau rich family somehow weaseling their way into membership at The Maidstone Club. "

--The winter Olympics are here and you know what that means-- white, preppy, 20-something men will be overheard in bars talking about skiing and, for a change, they won't be referring to cocaine.

--This year on Groundhog's Day, Punksatawnie Phil saw his shadow and you know what that means: 6 more weeks of "Jersey Shore"-- season 2, baby!

--John Mayer's latest single is called "Heartbreak Warfare" and listening to it is said to be almost as bad as actual warfare.

--On Sunday, citizens across the country discovered that the only thing worse than Taylor Swift's award acceptance speech being disrupted by Kanye West is when it ISN'T and we are forced to watch it four times.

--America has an obesity epidemic, while other nations across the globe face starvation problems of epic proportions. On Sunday, Americans witnessed the musical award show equivalent of this dichotomy is when 20-year-old Taylor Swift dropped one of her FOUR Grammy awards because she couldn't hold onto all of them at once.

--A new version of "We Are The World" was just recorded, to benefit the reconstruction efforts in Haiti. Again proving that tragedy response anthems will always sell, no matter how bad they sound or are produced and mixed. "Voices That Care," anyone??

--At the 2010 Golden Globes, many actors wore ribbons in tribute to the earthquake in Haiti, continuing the Hollywood tradition of saluting a recent, unrelated international issue and pretending that life is about more than winning and sticking it to your jerkwad peers.

Business up front, party in the back

Selena Coppock — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 21:40:00 GMT

College students nationwide worry about whether or not they are partying hard enough (at least college students who aren’t losers) and are always convinced that, with each passing year, the administration is cracking down on partying more and more. My experience was no different.

During college, I used to write for the student newspaper, The Hamilton College Spectator. By “write for the student newspaper,” I mean that every so often I’d have a brain fart, form it into a semi-coherent rant about an inane topic (why I love that Eddie Vedder’s acceptance speeches at awards shows can usually be summarized as, “thanks, I guess, even though it’s impossible to have a ‘winner’ in art”) and submit it to the article-strapped student newspaper.

My senior year I hit my stride, writing about pressing issues including my theory that the lack of partying on campus was an administration conspiracy enacted by manipulating the apathy of college students, and the fact that freshmen (or as we called them at Hamilton, “first years”) are idiots who should be seen and not heard, at least until they learn how to party properly.

One article that I wrote will always stick with me: my tribute to North Court. On the Hamilton campus, groups (Greek, a cappella, goth, and otherwise) don’t have houses, but can reserve social spaces (indestructible cafeteria-like rooms) in which to host parties and gatherings. North Court was one such space and it has become the stuff of legend. I had the pleasure of partying in North Court during my freshman and sophomore year and it was a horrifically disgusting delight. In the shanty that was North Court there was a CD player with speakers, a stage for dancing, an area for kegs, and ample space for milling around, flirting, making out, and the like. The toilets were always clogged, the floors sloped so that spilled beer would pool in one corner, and the windows were barred (as if there was anything worthwhile to steal inside North Court, save a V Card).

When I returned to Hamilton’s campus fall of my junior year, our beloved North Court had been turned into an office. An office with residual beer coating every nook and cranny, but an office nonetheless. Hamilton students were crestfallen. I was angry and saw the closing of North Court as an example of the administration cracking down on partying more and more (OF COURSE!), a worrisome phenomenon that is happening on all college campuses all the time, according to college students.

So I crafted a North Court tribute article and submitted it to The Spectator. My article centered on the simile that Hamilton was like a mullet: business up front, party in the back. But by closing down infamous party house North Court, the administration had effectively eliminated the “party in the back,” giving Hamilton a modern haircut that wasn’t associated with 1980s hockey players and somehow, this shearing was a bad thing. (Please note: I was a junior in college and was known to connect any conversation to either mullets, the Samples, or Guns ‘n Roses—just go with me as we skate on this thin metaphor.) All that remained was the “business up front,” of academics and students had no social outlets.

I submitted this piece to The Spectator and waited a few days to see it in print. In a situation that can only be termed bizarrely synchronous, a fellow student happened to submit an article entirely about mullets that same week. The editor didn’t want mullet overkill, so he decided to go with zero mullet mentions by not publishing the other article and rewriting my article (horribly). Allegedly, the editor called my room to warm me of his edits, but I was out partying (like a NON-LOSER! zing!) and never got the news.

So when The Spectator came out on Friday and I read the article to which my name was attached, I was shocked and outraged. I immediately thought of the aforementioned mullet metaphor and convinced myself that it was all a big conspiracy. A double conspiracy, really. The closure of North Court was an attempt to eliminate the “party in the back” segment of “business up front, party in the back” AND The Spectator’s refusal to publish my article about said metaphor was yet another scheme to highlight the “business up front” WITHOUT the proper party in the back! You must have the party to have the business, you see? It’s a yin/yang balance. I got into a loop in which my attempts to expose the injustice of North Court’s closing (using a mullet metaphor) were squelched in the exact same manner as the original “party in the back” elimination.

Yes, such things concerned me greatly in college. Those were the days, man.

I'm back from Costa Rica!

Selena Coppock — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 22:37:00 GMT

Pussycats!

I spent last week on vacation in Costa Rica and it was fantastic. Here's a beautifully bulleted recap below. We did the following things:

-Hiking (Arenal volcano): to which I wore an old pair of Princeton mesh shorts that I bought years ago. I didn't attend Princeton, but our sweet hiking guide asked if I had. I responded, "I didn't attend Princeton. I just like shorts." TRUTH!
-We visited some gorgeous hot springs (near Arenal) and floated around while drinking pina coladas. It doesn't get much more stereotypically vacation-y than that, folks! I also spoke French to some Frenchies, which was super fun.
-We visited a gorgeous waterfall where Wes wisely opted out of swimming, lest he be bitten by a Penis Fish. It's a real thing-- no joke. They bite you in the... well... you can figure it out, kiddos.
-We got poolside massages , which was the dopeness.
-We went sailing on a private charter. I was living like an asshole Richie!
-I even had a spin on the dance floor with a HOT local construction worker. I am now broadening my definition of "my type" to include both Boston construction workers AND Costa Rican construction workers. DIVERSITY!

What's coming down the pipeline NOW, you ask?

Laughs at Luca Lounge tonight (Ave B between 13th and 14th St) at 8:30pm. Thursday night I'm in the show God Tastes Like Chicken at Under St. Marks Theater, then a gig in upstate NY on Saturday night. Then V-day weekend I'll be in Boston, so hold onto your socks, Massholes.

Team Conan!

Selena Coppock — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 18:45:00 GMT

Wednesday Night-- Comix

Selena Coppock — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 21:34:00 GMT

A fantastic show for only $3 if you order tix now! Do it!

TONIGHT! Jan 4th!

Selena Coppock — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:35:00 GMT

Amigos!

Tonight LAUGHS AT LUCA LOUNGE is back for more hilarity in the 2K10. This year we are kicking off with our show EVERY MONDAY NIGHT! Yahooo! So come on out tonight for free pizza, free comedy & drink specials!

Laughs at Luca Lounge (Ave B just south of 14th Street)
Standup from Carolyn Castiglia, Jiwon Lee, Sean Donnelly, Dan Goodman, Giulia Rozzi, Heidi Edsall!
8:00 free pizza & drink specials; 8:30pm SHOW!

A recap of 2009

Selena Coppock — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 03:51:00 GMT

Amigos!

I have been totally slacking the past few months. My apologies, internet phantom readers. You deserve better! So here's something: a recap of the year that was, 2K9. What was I up to!?

Well...

2009—the year that was

What went on this year?

Let’s see….

I spent New Year’s Eve with a perfectly sweet guy who was into me, but I wasn’t into him (little did I know that this would set the theme for the remaining 365 days of the year).
I saw Kings of Leon in concert two times—fantastic.
I saw the show that compiles every power ballad I love (which is all of them), “Rock of Ages.” Do yourself a favor and see it because Constantine Maroulis is a handsome Greek, the music rules, and you can purchase beer from your SEAT. Beat that, Avenue Q!
I participated in some fantastic comedy festivals: North Carolia, Detroit, Boston, Ladies Are Funny Festival in Austin, TX (my 2^nd year! That town and those gals RULE), Women In Comedy Festival (ImprovBoston).
I took 2 storytelling classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade and began performing a lot of stories in addition to traditional standup.
I went to Miami for a long weekend with my rad friend Kate.
I did well in an audition spot for a mainstream standup club in NYC. After my set, the booker took me aside to tell me that I’m not a fit for the club because they are “really trying to increase the quality of the comedians” and literally as these words were spewing from the booker’s mouth, I heard the following words coming from the stage, from one of their regulars, no less: Have you ever laughed so hard, ya FARTED!? [uproarious laughs & applause] I consider that rejection a blessing. Like Garth Brooks says, sometimes I thank God…
I enjoyed a delightful weekend in exotic Ho Ho Kus, NJ for a reunion of my suitemates from senior year at Hamilton.
I was an extra in a movie starring Jim Gaffigan (you probably won't be able to make out my profile); an extra in a College Humor original video (never aired); and did a 25 minute set in the Revere, MA Comfort Inn. I’m GOING PLACES!
I went to a small town in upstate NY for a friend’s beautiful wedding. The B&B where I stayed was chock full of dusty dolls, stuffed animal carcasses, and marionettes. What I lost in restful sleep I MORE than gained in standup material.
I went back to Boston for a week of shows in mid-July. A fantastic week of comedy, time with friends & family, trips to Dunkin’ Donuts, and hours on the beach in South Boston (The Greatest Place on Earth).
Along with 2 other amazing ladies, I started a bi-weekly (and in the new year, WEEKLY) standup & storytelling show at Luca Lounge (Avenue B just south of 14^th Street).
I organized & hosted a female comedian networking party in November, which will hopefully become a quarterly event to get the community together.

What a year! What's in store for 2K10? Other than another year of great hair on this dome, WHO KNOWS!?

Christmastime Shows!

Selena Coppock — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:15:00 GMT

Upcoming shows

Sunday / Dec 20 / 8:30pm / Ditch Comedy Sundays at Bar 4 / 15^th St and 7^th Ave, Park Slope, BK / Free!

Fantastic standup show right in my hood!

Monday / Dec 21 / 8:00pm / Laughs at Luca Lounge (Ave B just south of 14^th Street) / Free!

Standup & storytelling at my fantastic new show in the village

Tuesday / Dec 22 / 9:00pm / Dykes on Mics at Ochi’s Lounge (basement of Comix, 14^th St and 9^th Ave, NYC) / Free!

Awesome standup show hosted by homos, with a few token heteros thrown in

Monday / Jan 4 / 8:00pm / Laughs at Luca Lounge (Ave B just south of 14^th Street) / Free!

Standup & storytelling at my fantastic new show in the village

Tuesday / Jan 5 / 9:30pm / Seriously LOL at Metropolitan (Brooklyn) / Fre!

Wednesday / Jan 6 / 9:30pm / What Happened at Comix (14^th and 9^th Ave, NYC) / $3 in advance, $8 at the door

Saturday / Jan 16 / Standup at Starr Place (Rhinebeck, NY)

Seal & Heidi?

Selena Coppock — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:15:00 GMT

I just read this online:

Heidi Klum has officially changed her name to Heidi Samuel, taking Seal's last name, four years and four kids after getting hitched.

Heidi is taking Seal's last name... but Seal doesn't even use Seal's last name. Wah?

I don't get the name stuff. I mean, I guess it makes sense if you have kids and you don't want the kids to be confused or weirded-out. But I just don't think I could give up my identify like that.